Why God May Be Keeping You Single

The longer I’m on this planet, the more I believe there is little in this life that happens by random coincidence. Every life season has a purpose. Even those difficult times we don’t enjoy serve to refine and mature us. Being single when you want to be married can be just one of those seasons. We have our plans and our dreams, and often the marriage we dream of just doesn’t seem to come. Whether we’re waiting on our first marriage or a remarriage, either can be disheartening as the days alone turned into weeks, the weeks into months and the months into years, even decades.

You look around and everyone seems to have someone. You’ve been fixed up, hooked up and tried online dating more times than you want to admit, yet here you sit wondering why marriage seems to come so easily for others, yet remains so elusive to you? “What’s wrong with me?” you ask. The fact is, probably nothing physically, which is usually what we try to fix first. Lots of people of all shapes, sizes and personalities marry every day, so contrary to what some may say, it’s probably not what you wear or what you weigh, but rather something we just can’t see. Even if it doesn’t always make sense to us, we can trust that God has a plan for our lives and that he is working things to our benefit even if we don’t like what’s happening at the moment.

Numerous times I’ve found myself asking God why I have to be alone, only to hear him quickly reply, “Are you really alone, Brenda?” Of course I’m not really alone. My life may not look like I planned it, but it overflows with people I love and some of those who even love me, and of course a God who knows my heart and is with me even on the darkest of days. There’s no way anyone can say for certain why some of us remain single for so long, and this article isn’t written to help you escape the single life, but rather to help open your eyes to what God may actually be doing in your life and to relinquish your efforts to control life elements that are truly beyond your control. Here are a few reasons to consider.

1. God is protecting you.

This may sound a little silly, but if your track record for relationships isn’t good or you lack relationship experience, there’s a chance God may be protecting you from a relationship or relationships that are not in your best interest. There are a lot of charmers out there and it’s easy to be swept up in their sentiment if we’re not careful. We are most vulnerable to their theatrics when we are lonely or wanting for romance and attention. Be wary of anyone who comes on too fast, too strong or seems too good to be true. In time when you do meet the right person, you will be grateful for God’s protection and glad that you did not rush into something that had the potential to cause you unnecessary heartache.

2. God wants to first see healing in your life.

We all carry proverbial “baggage” from our past, though some of us carry more than others. Until we truly overcome the shame and insecurities often seeded in childhood, we carry these problems everywhere we go. These rooted issues can negatively sway our decisions in selecting a partner and also set us up for self-destructive patterns once we enter a relationship. If we feel we “need” a relationship, for whatever reason we muster up, we probably still have emotional needs we are attempting to satisfy through a relationship. The sad truth is, attempting to fill emotional voids with romantic relationships typically just adds to our problems and the inner turmoil we’re trying to escape. It never fixes the problems and is more likely to complicate your life by adding in another’s unresolved life struggles. Seek God’s healing first. It’s his specialty.

3. God’s timing is still in the works.

We live in a culture accustomed to immediate gratification. We want what we want and we want it now, but waiting is not only necessary at times, but can actually give us time to find healing and prepare us for a healthy relationship. If we are patient and allow God to work out the details according to his timing, we will likely discover things come together much better than when we push our own way. God has this incredible way of weaving details together and creating something amazing in a way that only he can manage. Patience is not just a gift of the spirit, but also the means to God’s best for your life.

4. God desires for you to remain single.

We may not want to hear this, but it’s always possible that God wants us to remain single for an extended season or for life. It’s best to spend what time we are single living productively for God and investing into the lives of others. Regardless of how long you are single let God help you build satisfying relationships outside of marriage and romance. In time I believe God will help you to see why it was best and you will have no regrets with the beautiful people you bonded with in the time you were given.