Be My Valentine…
It was at the beginning of this month that I asked God for a word, and within a few moments “love” came to mind. I thanked God, acknowledging that it seemed very timely in this Valentine season and went on my way. Over the course of the days that followed, I’ve pondered this crazy thing called love and wondered what God wanted me to see beyond all the red and pink hearts and tantalizing chocolates decorating the shopping aisles.
It wasn’t until yesterday that I began to understand that God wanted me to consider more fully the unconditional sincerity of his love. He wanted me to see what it means to be loved by him and to strive to love others in the same way. The challenge in that is unfathomable. As humans we may say we love others unconditionally, but the reality is we have very real limits to what we will accept or give in the name of love. In our humanity we offer a conditional love, and in my experience, the closest I’ve come to unconditional love has been in relationship to my children. No matter how many messes they make, how many tantrums they have or what they become as they grow older, they will always have a special place in my heart, yet even so, that relationship is still tainted with my own expectations and the common frustration over their limited offerings in return.
As a general rule, we love others to the extent they make us feel good or happy, and are meeting the needs we expect them to meet. If we are in a relationship, on some level we want to benefit from it: emotionally, physically, financially…the list goes on. I won’t say this is entirely inappropriate or that we as humans never do anything without an expectation of something in return, though I believe our culture tends to promote self-indulgence and self-interest and it is often unwittingly a hallmark of our intimate relationships. It’s an attitude not only damaging to our long term relationships, but also to our own well-being and appreciation for life. We sacrifice for others as long as it isn’t too inconvenient or uncomfortable. Although giving is far more satisfying to our sense of worth than receiving, we don’t want to actually sacrifice. It’s the reason we fall in and out of relationships so easily and why many couples celebrating their undying love this Valentine’s Day, will not be celebrating together next year. It’s why we resist commitments that might require us to give up our own way or rights to ourselves.
In the gospels Jesus teaches us, “love your neighbor as yourself”, suggesting that we should be ever considerate and caring for the needs of others, as readily as we care for our own needs. It’s only through the power of the Holy Spirit that we can tame our own flesh and learn to love more like Jesus advocates.
This Valentine’s Day comes at a time when I have finally overcome enough of the fruitless expectations of the season to enjoy the unwavering beauty of a faithful God that does so much more for me than any relationship I’ve ever been in. He is my true Valentine and he wants to be your Valentine too. My prayer is that all might discover his unconditional love more fully on this Valentine’s Day, whether you have an earthly Valentine or not, then spread that love in the world where he has so strategically placed you. Happy Valentine’s Day to each of you!
