Divorce, Remarriage & The Bible

Although we think of divorce as something unique to our modern world, divorce is nearly as old as marriage itself. It is recorded in Ancient Mesopotamia, Rome and Greece, and is addressed in both the Old and New Testaments of the Bible. Before Mosaic Law an Israelite could easily send his wife on her way with nothing, for any reason, and still demand she return if he later changed his mind. It made her undesirable for marriage to others and likely subjected her to a life in poverty if her husband never called her back. Although the Bible is clear that God’s intention for marriage is that it be a lifelong commitment, laws were made to protect women and allow them to remarry if a husband chose to divorce. They also protected the dowry she brought to the marriage, by forcing a husband to return it if he sent her on her way for any reason except adultery. The laws offered specific guidance for divorce and remarriage, although by the time Jesus walked onto the scene, many had made a long time practice of twisting the rules to allow what they wanted.

In Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (NIV) it states, if a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house…the section goes on to discuss the allowance for remarriage and some stipulations of that, but the text that was under debate during the time of Jesus’ ministry, was the question of what qualifies as “displeasing” and “indecent”. Most would agree the term indecent suggests something sexually immoral, yet not so specific as to rule out sexual behaviors outside of adultery. However, many stopped at the word displeasing and justified the disgraceful treatment of a woman based on frivolous whims, even meeting someone prettier or wealthier. In the gospels of the New Testament, divorce is stated as only permissible in cases of adultery, as Jesus speaks directly against the intentional misinterpretation of this verse in Deuteronomy. God is compassionate and doesn’t intend to condemn a man for divorcing a wife who is premeditatedly trying to poison him or something similarly horrible, but Jesus was doing what he so often did, bringing those focused on living strictly by the law to a higher, morally challenging standard.

In Mark 10:21-23, a wealthy young man comes and asks Jesus what he should do to inherit eternal life. Jesus gives him a run down of the Ten Commandments, and the young man, probably feeling pretty good about himself says, I’ve been following all of them since I was a kid, what else can I do? Jesus replies, “If you want to be perfect, go and sell all you have and give to the poor, then come and follow me.” Two things here are noted, “if you want to be perfect” and “go sell everything and give to the poor”. If you want to be perfect, somewhat confirms the man is looking to be justified by successfully following more rules, and Jesus, being God in the flesh, recognizes this and tells him something beyond what he really wants to give. There are those who interpret this verse literally and will sell everything they own to follow Jesus, but most do not. There is nothing in the overall context of scripture to suggest owning possessions is a sin, even luxury items, so we must ask why Jesus told the man something that wasn’t typically required. Most interpret the passage as Jesus getting to the heart of the young man’s issue and calling on him to part with the very thing standing between him and intimacy with God. I believe what Jesus spoke to the Pharisees regarding the question of divorce and remarriage is similar, in that Jesus merely restated the law, then pushed them to see the truth beyond the hardness of their hearts. His statement was a direct reference to their lack of intimacy with God, and their desire to live “according to the law”, albeit twisted to fit their own agenda. Later when the disciples asked Jesus about his response, he repeated the law according to Deuteronomy 24, and also elaborated on God’s intention from the beginning in Genesis, that a husband and wife become one in marriage, and should not be separated. That is the law.

In contrast, in John 4, Jesus stops at a well in Samaria and talks with a Samaritan woman, something any respectable Jewish man would never do. The two of them have a conversation about never being thirsty again after receiving living water, and though the story is not specifically discussing divorce and remarriage, Jesus does an interesting thing and asks her to go fetch her husband. “I have no husband”, she replies. “You are right when you say you have no husband,” Jesus said. “The fact is you have had five husbands, and the man you have now is not your husband.”

If there was absolutely no recognition of remarriage after divorce Jesus should have acknowledged her first marriage only, and the other five men would not have counted as husbands, but rather as serial adulterous relationships. The Bible never tells us why she was married so many times, yet she is portrayed as a woman bearing much shame over her history and Jesus offers her forgiveness, not condemnation. So why the difference between the way Jesus spoke to the Samaritan woman and the way he spoke to the Pharisees? I believe it has everything to do with the condition of their hearts.

We are broken people living in a broken world, and God recognizes we are products of our culture and our experiences. So many people are reared into dysfunction on so many levels. Many have been abused, neglected or suffocated under the burden of harsh rules. They’ve never experienced healthy relationships and don’t know how to develop or maintain them, they don’t know how to remain steadfast in their commitments, especially one as personal and emotionally charged as marriage. They don’t understand the intention is for God to meet their needs and their spouse to embellish life, like the icing on the cake. They can’t comprehend why this person they married, says they are in love, yet they fail to understand their needs and fall so short in meeting them. Filled with the world’s message of “you do you”, it’s no surprise they walk when marriage gets tough. The church often leads them further astray, making them feel chastised for divorce, and like perpetual sinners for remarriage. Living a life in full obedience to God takes more than a salvation experience. It requires revelation and healing, which may take decades of transformation. I personally don’t believe most people marry expecting to divorce. Their inability to stay married is merely a symptom of more serious spiritual issues. These individuals may have a long history of sexual sin and broken marriages, and need teaching and guidance to grow past the dysfunctional patterns leading them from God’s plans. At some point in the healing process God may even want to provide restitution for what was taken from them, and we as a church should help support them in preparing for this. There is only one sin in the Bible that is said to be unforgivable and it is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, not adultery or remarriage. In John 8:1-11, a woman is caught in the act of adultery and is brought to the temple for stoning, which would be a horrible way to die. As it turns out, Jesus does a little mystery art in the dirt and says “let he who has no sin cast the first stone.” Her accusers disappear one by one, until none are left. Then Jesus asks, “where are your accusers? Did no one condemn you?” No, she replies. “Neither do I,” he says, “Go and sin no more.”

Instead of investing so much energy into refusing marriage to divorced individuals, or slapping them in the face with words spoken toward Pharisees with their hardened hearts and a history of intentional deceit, we as a church should be investing into guiding these undeveloped Christians into a better understanding of what a life in obedience truly means and how that will bring true healing and enable them to build healthy relationships in the future.