Dating with Purpose (part 2)

In part one we opened the discussion on dating with a tip to allow God to bring resolution and healing before actively seeking a relationship. It may seem straightforward enough, but in our humanity we often want to rush through this crucial step, though it may set the stage for everything else in a relationship. The more emotionally healthy we are when we are out meeting people, the less likely we are to be drawn into unhealthy situations. There is no express formula for overcoming the pain of our past. God provides perfectly, individualized care when we choose to step into a life of obedience, and he’s always patient enough to give us all the time we need, even if it’s far more time than we want. This may include him leading us away from relationships that aren’t beneficial, or growing others in faith alongside us. He will speak directly into our life and the things that trip us up, leading us to the good stuff he has in store.

Therefore tip number two is to wait. I know it sounds agonizing, but I promise it does get easier as we grow more accustomed to submitting to God’s will. I’m actually smiling as I type this because I’m not that good at it, just better than I used to be. Much of the transformation that occurs after we step out in faith comes in the waiting so it’s an important skill to learn. In the roughly thirteen years Joseph waited in slavery and in prison, God was maturing him into a man who could manage Egypt so many might be saved (Genesis 37-50). In the forty years Moses waited in the desert, God grew him into a man who would lead his people out of slavery (Exodus). We may not see his purpose from where we stand, but from God’s perspective waiting is always a very active process.

So once we enter a new relationship the waiting is over, right? Actually no, we just start waiting on something else. The early weeks and months are a time of becoming acquainted with this new person’s values, their integrity, how they manage frustration and disappointment. We need to know more than if there is chemistry or attraction. Do they want to get married? Do they plan to have children? Do they have a good work ethic? Are they responsible? Are they honest? Do they know Jesus? We shouldn’t assume if someone goes to church it means these other qualities are present, though meeting someone in church may increase the odds. Instead stay close to God and ask him to reveal the details over time.

Waiting also applies to sex, although it isn’t as much about proving true love, as it is about listening to God and keeping our head clear and our spirit connected with the giver of all wisdom and truth, the one who knows the heart of every man. He’s got the inside scoop on everyone we meet and if we ask he is pleased to offer his insight.

There are those who say don’t talk about marriage on the first date, but if we are adults, striving to follow God, Biblically speaking, there really is no reason to date if marriage isn’t the goal. Outside of this, it’s more likely to lead us into temptation and personally I prefer to avoid unnecessary torment. I’m only human and can only withstand so much. So if it comes out on the first date that this person is not really interested in marriage, be grateful for the information and wish them well. It’s truly a yes or no question, any grey in their answer is a potential red flag and at the very least, reason to proceed with caution. In my experience, seeing red flags early can be a red flag in itself.

The culture tells us a lot on dating that goes against the word of God. Beware of building your next relationship upon the guidance of this broken and faithless world. God’s word was written to protect us, not to rob us of all joy and fun. In the end, I believe we will be pleased to have listened and accepted his protection. As the Bible says, There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. Proverbs 16:25 ESV